The World's Strictest Parent?

by Nicholeen Peck

How it All Began

Being on TV is not what I expected.  It was better.  In January of 2009 the BBC asked us to participate in an English documentary called “The World’s Strictest Parents.”  My husband, Spencer, and I had done many years of foster care for very difficult teens and we have four children of our own. Also I have been teaching parenting seminars and classes for the last 10 years around North America on how to teach your children to want to govern their own behaviors.  I call my parenting principles Teaching Self-Government.  After speaking to me and looking at my free parenting advice blog  http://teachingselfgovernment.com the BBC said we would be the ideal parents for their program. 

When I got this invitation from the BBC my soul just about jumped out of my skin.  The sensation was strange to me.  I wasn’t exactly sure what the sensation meant at first.  I spoke with my husband about the project and we quickly made a list of every reason we shouldn’t do it.  They could make us look bad.  Even worse than that, they could make our religion look bad.  How did we know if we could even trust these complete strangers?  After we made our list of why not to do it we almost immediately had the distinct impression that we were supposed to do the show.  The feeling was so strong that we knew we just had to do it.  However, at this point we decided that the reason we were going to take this huge leap of faith in people we didn’t even know was to strengthen families around the world. 

We decided to be dedicated to being completely authentic and running the show our way.  I actually was preparing myself to battle the camera crew if they asked us to do anything which we wouldn’t normally do.  I was so pleased when Ben, the director of the show, said that he wanted us to be completely natural and authentic and that he wanted us to basically tell him what the plan for the week was going to be.  Don’t get me wrong, we had to have our regular life schedule approved, but they were insistent on not showing anything in our life which wasn’t real. 

The BBC considers this story a documentary even though in the US we would consider it a reality TV show.  The difference between reality TV and our show is that a reality TV show is scripted and planned.  The BBC 3 in Britain isn’t the only station to have shows called “The World’s Strictest Parents,” but according to them they are the only branch of the BBC who actually do the show documentary style. 

After multiple back story shoots and countless emails and meetings we were ready to begin. 

Hannah and James came expecting the worst.  I think they really thought we would be tyrannical and ornery.  I think they were much surprised to see that we wouldn’t power struggle with them over issues.  We were just going to calmly stick to our values no matter what they did.  This is our way.  Attitude problems and arguing don’t hurt parents if they have decided ahead of time that things like this don’t bother them. 

A Parenting Tip

One of my governing philosophies as a parent is that parenting gets tyrannical and out of control when parents choose to engage in power struggles.  Power struggles may get a parent her way sometimes, but even if she gets her way she has decreased her respectability in the eyes of her child.  Children must respect parents in order for homes to be happy places, but that respect can’t happen by force.  I don’t know one person who has experienced a real change of heart by force, and that is what my parenting is all about; changing hearts.  I could go on and on about my parenting philosophies, but then I wouldn’t be able to tell a bit more about our BBC journey with Hannah and James. 

Some Changes in Hannah and James

By living in a fully functioning family James and Hannah experienced a completely new way of life.  I was so pleased to see that when James got home he told his mom the one thing he learned was how important family was.  WOW!  That was just what I was hoping he would learn.  His relationship with his mom is much improved because of his experience in our home.  We keep in contact with James and Hannah as regularly as possible. 

If I had to pick a favorite moment in the show that would be very difficult because there were so many wonderful experiences during the eight day shoot, but one thing I will never forget is when James and Hannah both expressed that they thought our family was perfect and that they wanted to have families like ours one day.  They said our children were perfect (not true, but I am glad they thought that) and that they wanted their children to be like our children. 

This conversation happened when my children decided to surprise James and Hannah by singing to them.  Even little Porter sang a solo.  Music is a big part of our lives because is stirs the soul and opens the heart to change.  This is why we sang for them.  Whenever our family is not feeling united we also sing with each other. 

During our homeschooling the week they were with us I had James and Hannah read The Dream Giver.  It is a great parable about how a higher power has a plan for all of our lives and we have the responsibility to find that dream and accomplish it.  James especially was touched by this book.  We were reading one day when he all of the sudden stopped and said, “I do have a dream.  I want to be a fashion designer.  I think I will go back to school so that I can have this dream come true.”  After he got home he emailed me with other, more personal, dreams too.  I don’t think James or Hannah had ever realized that someone besides them has a plan for their lives; God.  This realization was inspiring for them. 

After the Show

We all have purposes in life, even if we don’t really know what they are until after they happen.  Doing this TV program and teaching people how to strengthen families is what I am supposed to do with my life.  This mission is for my God.  It keeps me really busy, but it is so worth it.  Especially lately, because I have received so many emails and comments on my blog telling me how seeing our program has inspired people to make great changes in their lives.  All ages have been impacted from other troubled British teens to parents and grandparents.

It is my hope the video will continue to be passed around by people to strengthen families everywhere.  Since we went to all this work to make it, it might as well reach as many people as possible.  If the homes around the world can be healed then many of our government and social problems can also be healed.  Change starts in the home and I am convinced more homes were changed for the better because of “The World’s Strictest Parents Utah” show.  Our power really is in our homes.  I was able to change lives around the world just by living my regular life.  Everyone has this same power.  May God bless families everywhere!

View the Video here:  http://teachingselfgovernment.com/videos/ 

Nicholeen Peck

Author: Parenting A House United

Owner of http://teachingselfgovernment.com

Contact: nicholeen@teachingselfgovernment.com

The Least Boss

by Carol Jensen

Humans are wired for autonomy. I notice it prevalently in my one year-old grandson, who insists that he can hold the spoon when he’s eating yogurt, applesauce, and other dribble-ready foods. Or when I tell him “no” and does it anyway…grinning! His three year-old brother possesses the same tenacious programming: “I get to say the prayer,” and “Let me pour it.”

It would be inconceivable for me to take that germ of independence from them, for as they grow, they will need to separate from my will before they become mere robots. How ludicrous would it be for me to choose my teen’s clothes and get her dressed in the morning? The desire to be self-governing is inherent.

It’s ironic, therefore, that as a nation, we the people expect our government to feed, clothe and house us. How can we reverse this trend? I believe our youth can be trained to weigh security - with its accompanying dependence - against freedom and its inherent risks.

I just began an experiment. When considering a policy for family government, I ask, “Which does it increase - autonomy or control?” I’d like to teach my children to ask the same question of their nation’s policies. Here’s an exercise we tried at home. We searched “government policies” on the internet and turned up this question: Should the government intervene to reduce obesity? The autonomy/control question brought on a lively discussion.

One of my favorite stories is Ralph Moody’s account in Little Britches of herding cows when he was a young boy. “Leaving the pasture, about half of them streaked off ahead toward Carl’s oat field, while the rest dragged along behind. I went kiting after the leaders, and while I was getting them headed off, the others got past me by running up a little valley where I couldn’t see them. Fanny and I got them out easy enough, but by that time the first bunch was back into the field a hundred yards or so farther down the road. We raced back and forth between the two herds till Fanny was in a lather, but as soon as I got one herd out, the other was in.”

When Ralph returned that evening with a sweaty horse, Father had some advice about sparing the animal’s strength. Using the cowboy Hi as an example, Father concluded, “When he had to go after them, he wouldn’t race as you do. He’d go at a nice easy lope till he was past the strays, then bring them back at a slow walk so as to keep them calm and quiet. Always remember, Son, the best boss is the one who bosses the least. Whether it’s cattle or horses or men; the least government is the best government.” Autonomy or control?  One is spiritually reviving; the other, spiritually destructive.

Reading, the Early Years

by Katrina Fujisaka

The first big hurdle of homeschooling is teaching your precious child to read. When I started down that road I was terribly intimidated by the task. It is so important! EVERYTHING your child will do in life will depend on their ability to read the printed word. What if I messed it up and academically crippled my child forever? YIKES! I had to get this right.

Fortunately for all of us, kids' brains are wired for learning. I spent a few days actively observing my children and realized that they had an incredible ability to absorb information like a sponge. Time for a deep, cleansing breath. After all, I could read pretty well. What did I remember about learning to read? Not much. I remembered all of Dick and Jane's adventures from kindergarten. Mostly, however, I remember being read to.

My parents read to me. My Grandma read to me when we visited. My great aunt recorded herself reading books to us and sent the tape and a copy of the book to us for Christmas every year. I loved the sound of her gentle southern accent. She even rang a little hand bell on the tape to let us know when to turn the page.

Then there was my fourth grade teacher. Mrs. S was a large, terrifying woman. Her shoes squeaked as she walked, which was good because we appreciated the warning of her approach. However, my overall memory of her class is a very pleasant one, because she read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series to us that year. Every day after our lunch recess she read for half an hour. I raced in from the playground so I wouldn't miss a moment of that captivating world created for me by C.S. Lewis and Mrs. S.

It seems almost cliché to say that reading stories to your kids is the best way to teach reading...but it really is. From the youngest age kids can be taught that those funny marks on paper are really a transport to other worlds. From the comfort of the couch they can learn what happens when mice eat cookies, how heroic dogs saved an Alaskan village, or why foxes wear socks.

Reading aloud to your children is a natural motivator. These pages that you can translate for them are magic portals that can lead them anywhere they want to go. It's easy to get excited about teaching our kids how to access this wonderland of written words, but there are a few things we must keep in mind as we help our children through this initial and most important stage of their academic career.

First, keep it simple and fun. Read, read, read! As you read the words run your finger under them. Don't call attention to it or stop to try to teach the words or letters themselves. Just let your child's eye follow the flow of words with the cadence of your voice. Their brains will begin to recognize patterns quickly on their own.

Visit your local library and bring home books on tape for your children. It will give your voice a break and still allow them the joy of hearing the story and turning the pages to follow along. When my children were very little their Dad recorded himself reading their favorite bedtime stories so they could hear it over and over while he was deployed and away from home for months at a time. My teenage daughter STILL loves to hear The Big Hungry Bear as only her Daddy can tell it.

Then there is the ABC song. Start singing this song when your child is a newborn. Sing it in the car, sing as you make lunch. Have your kids sing it once through as they wash their hands throughout the day - the length of the song is the perfect amount of time for properly cleaning those little hands. I used to bounce my head back and forth with each letter in a way that made my pre-schoolers bust up laughing. Pretty soon we took turns on the letters, I sang one, and they sang the next, until they had it down. It took years before l-m-n-o-p was properly articulated, but that was a huge part of the fun.

After they could sing the alphabet well we started working on identifying the individual letters. We did ABC coloring books and posted the pages all over the house. We focused on one letter at a time. I wrote the letter on a plain index card, capitalized on one side and lower case on the other. Then we made the sound and tried to find as many things as we could that started with that letter.

My favorite way of occupying my little ones during Sacrament meeting at this stage of their lives was to hand them the program and a pencil, then ask them to circle all the A's, or whatever letter it was that we were studying at the time.

Then we started labeling the house. We had index cards on everything. The f-a-n, the p-a-n in the cupboard, the t-u-b in the bathroom. Once we had great fun trying to label the somewhat uncooperative c-a-t. Luckily our big d-o-g was happy allow us to label him as he snoozed on the floor.

Once we had the letter covered we moved to letter pairs that make unique sounds, all while practicing sounding things out.

If you are nervous about what to do when it is time to move beyond c-a-t and m-a-t, there are a tremendous number of reading programs available for purchase to assist you. I have used a good number of them and have some favorites that you may want to check out.

Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading by Susan Bauer (Peace Hill Press) is my favorite reading program. At $35 it is inexpensive, especially since one paperbound volume can be used to teach all of your children. It is totally scripted - meaning the book tells you as the instructor exactly what to say and what to have your child do.

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegried Engelmann is another excellent resource. It uses the SRA DISTAR reading program, using a diasoltic alphabet system that some children respond extremely well too. The teaching method is backwords from what you would expect. The letter sounds are taught first - the names are not introduced until your child is an independent reader. It also is inexpensive and can be used for teaching multiple children.

Happy Phonics from Latter-Day Family Resources is an inexpensive collection of games that reinforce basic phonics rules. It is not a scripted reading program, but many of the games are wonderfully simple and fun. It is a handy way to help drill concepts as they are introduced.

Once your child has begun to decode words you can begin adding in my favorite reading resource....the Book of Mormon. Sit and read it with your child every day. Allow them to read the words they can and just gently read the words they cannot decode yet. Don't try to teach the technique, just give them the word and move on. It may seem counter-intuitive to jump to such complicated language, but I have experienced great success this way. One of my children was a late reader and took a very, very long time to learn the basic decoding rules. When we added in reading the Book of Mormon aloud daily, taking turns reading the verses, and within 4 months she had jumped 3 grade levels in reading.

I love reading...and I love sharing that love with my children. I am having a blast rediscovering (again) some of my favorite books as I help my youngest learn to read. It is such a wonderful journey to take together!

Handel's Messiah (Not the traditional Christmas Carol)

by Kim Kuhn

A few weeks ago my teenage daughter, Mariah asked if I could take her to our stake's Handel's Messiah Sing Along. I said of course since I love the music. When we arrived, we saw that the chapel and gym had been separated into 4 parts, bass, tenor, alto and soprano. We wanted to sit together, so we both sat in the alto section even though my daughter is a soprano.

We were getting comfortable when my friend who was the choir director asked if we could join the choir on the stands. Apparently, only a few of the choir members had come to rehearsal so the choir director was desperately seeking people to fill in the choir stands. Its one thing to sit with the audience, but quite another to be in the choir, since you are expected to actually know the piece very well.

I at least was familiar with the written score, but Mariah had never seen it. We decided to do it and challenge ourselves. 

I ended up sitting behind the altos and next to the tenors. Unfortunately, I don't have a good ear, so after a short while of struggling with the alto part and not being able to hear the altos in front of me, I switched to the tenor part with the men. I'm sure the audience was wondering why a woman is singing the men's part, but we ended up having a great time.

For those who are unfamiliar with Handel or his "Messiah" here are a couple of things to know.

• George Frederic Handel was born in 1685 in Halle, Germany.
• He was like many composers of his era in that he played several instruments. 
  Handel played the harpsichord, oboe, organ and violin. (Without the internet, e-mails and TV I'm sure there was plenty of practice time.) 
  His father wanted him to have a better social position than this own so he wanted his son to be a lawyer. His father went so far as to forbid any music or musical instruments in their home. Legend says that a small clavier was smuggled into the attic for Handel, complete with muffled strings, so that his father could not hear him as he taught himself to play.
• When he was seven years old, he accompanied his father to Weissenfels where his playing on a chapel organ attracted the attention of the duke. The duke was so impressed by his skill that he insisted Handel be allowed to study music, because it would be a crime to rob the world of such a great genius.
• He composed six sonatas by the time he was 11 years old. He also composed the Messiah in less than a month.
• He became a composer for King George 1 in England and eventually became a British citizen. He died in 1759 and was buried in Westminster Abbey.
• The Messiah was first performed in Ireland for a few charities like the debtor's prison. Almost two years later, it was performed with King George II in attendance. He stood in reverence when the "Hallelujah Chorus" began. Since no one could sit when the king was standing, everyone in the audience stood. Since that time, there has been a tradition for the audience to stand during the "Hallelujah Chorus."
• The Messiah begins with an overture and has three parts.
  Part I - relates the prophecies that foretell the coming of the Savior and recounts his birth.
  Part II - deals with Christ's life and ministry on earth, and ends with the "Hallelujah Chorus."
  Part III - tells about Christ's death, resurrection and victory over death, and ends with the Amen Chorus"

Tip of the month: besides listening to the traditional Christmas carols, try getting Handel's Messiah from the library and listen to it. Print the words off from the internet and sing along!

Some of the information was found in "Meet the Great Composers" by June Montgomery and Maurice Hinson.

Oh, What a Mess!

Toddlers and Preschoolers can be the sweetest, most adorable things on earth. Nothing can compare to a hug from a small, squirmy body. Watching them run across the grass is poetry in motion. Comic poetry, but poetry nonetheless.  What is astonishing is how fast they can go from delightful to the most destructive force on earth.  I have been privileged to be the mother of 10 such children. Some have been tornados on wheels, others have been a sudden wind storm whose destruction comes and goes in a moment. For my tornados, some days the only thing that saved them was their innocent smile.

One of the challenges of being a homeschool mom is what to do with the tornados and wind storms while we are schooling our other children. What to do to keep these tornados at bay is the subject of another article. My point today is to tell my tales of woe so that you can look at your own storms and count your blessings, or commiserate, as the case may be. I also want you know that your tornados do grow up and find other things to do.

My oldest daughter was a challenge. Once she got an idea in her head, it was there until she accomplished the deed. Like the time she decided she wanted a graham cracker, but couldn’t get the box open.  So she set the box on the counter and went and got a hammer. The sad part is she missed the box at least once and hit the ceramic flour container also on the counter.  Unhappily, neither one survived the experience.

Another time I let her play with some old make up while she was in the bath tub. What was I thinking? She covered herself, including her hair and the entire tub in waterproof lipstick. By the way, the only thing that cleans up waterproof make-up is Dawn soap. Just so you know. 

My son Ben was an endearing toddler, never going through the terrible 2’s, (he saved those until he was 12!) but he was a wonder at making messes. I was working in the kitchen one day with Ben at my feet, playing with the pots and pans. There was a commotion in another room and I ran to see what it was. I was gone less than 2 minutes, but he found the time to dump an entire gallon of oil all over the floor and was in the process of adding a container of oatmeal to the mess. My first thought was “How in the world do I clean this up?” I won’t tell you my second.

Ben was not finished with his tornado. We lived in a small duplex at the time and did not have a pantry. We purchased a gallon size bottle of pancake syrup, but had no place to put it. My husband thought it should go behind the door in the laundry room, which also served as our mud room. I vetoed the idea saying it was too tempting for our tornado. He said Ben needed to learn not to get into things and besides, he can’t possibly open the bottle. Famous last words! Ben not only found the bottle and managed to get the lid off, but he poured the bottle everywhere. The ironic thing was most of the bottle ended up in his dad’s military jump boots. Needless to say, we never kept bottles down where toddlers could reach them again.

A different wind storm in my family was my daughter Katie. She was very easy to get along with and she usually stayed with me so she rarely was a mess maker. Except the time she climbed up on the kitchen counter and completely covered herself in Crisco. She was wearing a Onesie so she had plenty of surface area to cover. I was use to messes by this time, so I took a picture to torture her with as a teenager (it is on the wall in our living room) and cleaned up the mess.  I was learning. Side note- Dawn works with Crisco too.

Another picture on the wall is one of my son Justin. It’s of the time he got into the drawers in the kitchen, emptying every last thing. That wasn’t enough of a mess so he proceeded to empty all the boxes of baggies. There were over 500 bags of various sorts all over the place. The picture shows him surrounded by baggies and various kitchen items. 

When he was a little older, we were selling our house. I was in the middle of a painting touch up (black sharpie marker on a freshly painted wall) when a prospective buyer called to say they were coming. Justin decided I needed help and started to carry a full bucket of paint for me. Needless to say he didn’t get far. When he dropped it, it bounced, hit the wall and off popped the lid. ¾ of the gallon spilt before I could get to it. That was a fun mess to clean out of carpet. But I did, and I got it up before the buyer got there. They didn’t buy the house though. I think they were leery of the squishy wet spot on the carpet.  

I believe these toddler storms were to prepare me for my worst tornado. Joseph was a tornado from the moment he realized he could move from one place to another. He was scooting around on the floor at 4 months, crawling at 5 and walking around furniture at 6. He was a flying menace by the time he was 9 months old. You could not turn your back on Joey for a moment.  At 12 months he could open doors and escape outside.  Not a good idea in the middle of winter in Alaska.  It took him a week to figure out how the safety door knobs worked. He poured honey all over the dog (dog #2 didn’t mind at all, she licked it all off, but the dog still needed a bath), could take apart anything that was left in his reach and loved to get in the fridge and drop eggs everywhere. The one mess that stands out in my mind is when he emptied the fridge. I came home to find that he had taken everything he could reach out of the fridge and made a trail through the kitchen, dining room and up the stairs. I don’t know if he was playing Hansel and Gretel or what. He wasn’t able to tell me. Nor were his siblings who were supposed to be watching him. 

I love toddlers. My youngest has moved on into the preschool stage. It’s a little sad. I’ve had a toddler for 26 years and I will miss it. But I can say that I am looking forward to a tornado free life without the challenge of figuring out how to clean up remarkable messes. Well, at least I think I am. If you have a harrowing story about your toddler/preschooler and would like to share it Click Here.

Relaxing Into Christmas

As wonderful as family Christmas traditions are, I have to admit that I have stressed over them too many times.  This year I am relaxing into our family traditions. I am welcoming them into my life and embracing them for what they are:  a way to transmit to my children what Christmas means to me.  In years past I have stressed over getting the traditions done.  I’ve resisted them and thought “Oh no, here comes Christmas, again!” 

You might ask, “Why the perspective change?”  I have some ideas.  Maybe sending my first missionary out did it.  Maybe it was facing a potentially life-threatening condition with a younger son.  Maybe it is my oldest daughter nearing her 18th birthday or my youngest daughter approaching her 4th.  Maybe it was the result of a lot of personal introspection or maybe it was God who helped me to see what really matters.  Whatever it was, I am changed this year.

One of our family traditions is that in December we take a break from our normal school schedule.  We maintain a remnant of “school” but for the most part we embrace the season with Christmas projects and activities like making gingerbread houses, hanging lights on our home, secretive gift making and giving, caroling, and watching our favorite Christmas movies.  During December our family becomes an even more tight knit team working together to create the experience of Christmas. 

Another tradition we have is to read Christmas stories as a family.  We snuggle around our wood burning stove and lighted Christmas tree and munch on a fun snack while the stories are read a loud.  This is one of my favorites.  I want to invite you into our family room to enjoy the glow of our hearth and a good Christmas story.  It’s a personal story, but one I think you’ll like.

The year my mother passed away, it was my turn to give to my youngest brother, Darrin.  Of our eight siblings he was  the only one not married.  In the two years since an honorable return from his mission, he had made choices that alienated him from our family and church. He told us a few months after our mother’s death.  Always a close family, this and the death of our mother tried our relationships and tugged at our very core. Some of my siblings wanted nothing to do with him.  He was disconnecting from us and we were struggling with how to love and accept him in spite of his choices. 

For this reason I wanted my gift to really mean something and I labored over what to give him.  I called him and asked what he might like.  We chatted casually for a few minutes and he gave me the title of some books he wanted and the idea of a gift card.  I wasn’t convinced these held the meaning I was looking for, but purchased them anyway.  I had no clue what else to give him.  I was at a loss for ideas, but I knew there was something else.  So I simply asked Heavenly Father, “Please help me to know what to give Darrin.  I want him to feel our love for him.  I want the gift to touch his heart.  Please help me.” 

Weeks passed and the day of our family Christmas party arrived.  I still hadn’t had any other ideas for Darrin’s gift.  That afternoon I was in my kitchen making our traditional family Christmas cookies—two kinds—called half moon and punch bowl.  These cookies come from my Grandmother Linnebach.  She was orphaned as a young woman and went to work in a wealthy home to support herself.  The woman she worked for taught my Grandmother to make these fancy cookies.   After my Grandmother married she made them part of her family’s Christmas traditions.  My mother, Gwen, and her sisters grew up with them.  They each married and continued to make these cookies in their own homes.   Every year I not only enjoyed them on Christmas eve at my Grandmother’s home, but I also worked along side my mother making these special cookies.  Together we made trays and trays of them and they were always on the goodie plates we gave to our neighbors.  These two kinds of cookies were part of my childhood Christmases—a small but important part of the meaning and experience of Christmas I learned from my mother and grandmother. 

So I was in my kitchen that afternoon making these traditional cookies with my little children. We were a mess of flour and powdered sugar and sticky hands.  Amidst the confusion I suddenly knew what I needed to give my brother.  I could see it clearly…a gift basket with the books, the gift card and a tin each of half moon cookies and punch bowl cookies.  Finally, I was excited and at peace about his gift.

That evening Darrin didn’t show up at our family Christmas party.  He called my Dad to say he was sick and that he wouldn’t be coming.  After so much anticipation, I felt disappointed.  As it came time to go home, I knew I needed to take my gift to his apartment.  This was a stretch for me.  My husband was sick that evening and hadn’t come either.  So I had traveled the hour to the party alone with my six children then ages 12 and under.  To take the gift to Darrin’s apartment,  I would have to travel another hour out of my way, in the dark and cold of a snowy December night with 6 tired children.  I would have to find an address I had never been to before and I would have to take my children into my brother’s apartment and I was uncertain what that would be like.  Still I knew I needed to do it.

I managed to navigate the unknown dark streets and house numbers as well as a crying toddler and found his apartment.  I knocked on his door, a child in one arm, and two clinging to my legs.  My oldest son held the basket.  Darrin’s partner opened the door and kindly invited us in.  We clumsily made our way to the small front room and sat down to wait.  The room was cheerfully decorated with a beautiful Christmas tree and other small items.  I noticed the tree and remembered.  Darrin, the baby of our family, had been the last one to leave home.  He loved Christmas as much as my mother did.  For five  years it was the two of  them who had decorated the house for the holidays.  Together they carefully placed nativity sets, and mother made Santas,  Christmas villages, the lights and garlands and the Christmas tree.  It was Darrin and my mother who had rolled and shaped the half moon and punch bowl cookies and greeted the rest of us when we came home for Christmas Day.  My mother and baby brother.

Just then Darrin came into the room.  He greeted each of us with a hug and we talked for a time.  I mentioned his tree and his eyes lit up.  Then I gave him the gift basket.  He opened first the books and then the gift card.  He was appreciative of both.  Then he opened the tin of half moon cookies.  For the longest moment he just sat there looking at the cookies.  Finally, he looked up at me.  He really looked  into my eyes and with tears running down his cheeks said, “Thank you.”  He felt it. Through the simple tradition of a cookie, even if just for a few moments,  he was drawn once again into the love and meaning of our family and Christmas.  He was touched.

This Christmas you can be sure the Baker Family will be making half moon and punch bowl cookies and I will tell my children stories about their Great-grandma Linnebach and Grandma Cottle.  We’ll be relaxing into Christmas with a variety of projects and family traditions.  This year I’m joyfully embracing them for what they are:  a way to transmit to my children what Christmas means to me.  This year it’s not about doing the traditions but about living them.  You can be sure a package will reach my missionary son in Oklahoma and in that package he will find a tin each of half moon and punch bowl cookies.  I am certain they will convey the love and meaning I so want them to. 

Family traditions are worth the effort year in and year out.  They are how children learn the meaning of Christmas, of home and family, and of life.  They have the power to communicate love and testimony over the years, across the miles, and even through the veil of death.  Traditions, even as simple as a half  moon cookie, can communicate what words cannot. The Lord can show us how to give gifts of meaning that touch hearts, ease the pain of grief, and connect us in love.    May we let Him show us how, this Christmas time and always.

December Reading Challenge!

Every December 1st the race begins!  This year the target number is 2010 pages.  The Contenders?  Grandpa against the rest of the family.  The game—silent reading.

December is reading month at our house.  After the 10th, we take a step back from our regular school schedule and reading and personal projects become our top priority.  Time is set aside for silent reading.  We read individually, as a family (usually at the dinner table between bites and activities) and we have reading buddies (older matched with younger siblings).

The goal this year is 2010, to celebrate the New Year.  The chart dons the wall with spaces to write in titles of books read and a place to keep track of our combined family pages.  Grandpa’s chart is next to ours ready for the challenge.

Grandpa is a great reader, always has been.  He spent his lunch break at the local bookstore for years.  So far in the last 4 years he has beaten us every time by reading more than our whole family combined!  It’s one of our favorite ways to ring in the New Year and encourages teamwork and great reading skills.  In a month famous for its hustle and bustle, we plan moments when you can slip into a book and disappear.

Rules of the Game

Time:  Dec. 1-New Year’s Eve.

Challenge:  Read a combination of 2010 pages.  Each person keeps a tally of their pages then we add them up daily or weekly. 

Who:  Grandpa vs. the family.  (Grandpa keeps his own tally and we try to see who reads more in Dec.)

Intro:  The last Family Home Evening of the month of November, everyone brings 5 of their favorite books to share with the family.  Everyone gives a short book commercial (to sell us on wanting to read their books).  These books are then put on a special shelf for anyone to read. 

Extra’s:  
We read a family book (A Christmas Carol, or a collection of Christmas stories) during dinner.
We share information about authors—everyone researches and tells about one of their favorite authors.
As Christmas gifts, each child always gets books or a gift card to our favorite book store!
Watch movies based on books.
We add a book to our basket of Christmas books.
This year we’re hosting a “Dickens” Party with book discussion and movie.

The Prize:

If we reach our goal of reading 2010+ pages we celebrate at the local bookstore and each buy a book!  Whoever reads more—Grandpa or the rest of the family, gets a dinner of their choice!

We have found that taking time to read in December helps us to focus on the Christmas season and to slow down in this fun-filled month of parties, presentations, concerts, and caroling.  We pull together as a family and talk about good books and the favorite memories they bring.  Sharing books brings great conversations to the dinner table.  It builds unity and strengthens friendships between children as they share books with each other.  One of the biggest benefits is that the kids are geared up for learning in January.  We are rested, excited, and have all have established a reading love and habit that continues throughout the year.

A Mini Christmas Unit

If you’re looking for a way to have a more Christmas-friendly December without neglecting academics, here is a little Christmas gift to you from me:  a mini unit study on Joy that I created for my children. This unit can be crammed into a day, spread over a week, or savored throughout the month. You can follow it to a T or pick and choose whatever you feel are the best parts. If you come up with additional ideas, go with them. Remember, there are no Unit Study Police. Units are meant to be an enjoyable way for the family to learn together.

*Begin with the discovery of what J-O-Y stands for:  Jesus, Others, Yourself. If you prioritize your life in this way, you will have joy!

*Make “Joy” ornaments for your Christmas tree. These can be inexpensively purchased plaster ornaments you paint; cross-stitched versions; lace-trimmed “Joy” Christmas cards with ribbon hangars; salt-dough, gingerbread, or sugar cookie creations. Choose whichever medium is the most “joyful” to you.

*Read Joseph B. Wirthlin’s “The Abundant life” from the May 2006 Ensign.
He says, “The abundant life is within our reach if only we will drink deeply of living water, fill our hearts with love, and create of our lives a masterpiece.” Diagram/highlight the sections of the article and how it illustrates J-O-Y.

*Watch the Church’s DVD “Joy to the World” that came with your Ensign subscription (or order a copy from the missionaries or Distribution Center). Discuss what this has to do with Joy.  Think of a person or family you could bring joy to by sharing this DVD.

*Read Psalm 98. Copy in your best handwriting and decorate the margins.

*Learn the story behind the song “Joy to the World.”

*Listen to as many arrangements of “Joy to the World” as you can get your hands on. From a traditional choral performance by the likes of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, to a rocking version by Trans-Siberian Orchestra, to a New Age arrangement by David Lanz, to a solo by Natalie Cole or Bing Crosby, to a strictly instrumental rendering by any number of orchestras, to a Celtic style. Discuss what all these various pieces have in common, what is different, and which differences you like or dislike.

*Look in the LDS Hymnbook for all other hymns containing the word “joy.” Discuss the contexts in which the word is used.

*Learn about other “joy words” such as rejoice, joyful, enjoy. What does each of these words mean? What about synonyms of joy? Expand your hymn search with these new words.

*Take your search of “joy words” to the scriptures. How many can you find? What are the contexts? Choose your favorite joyful scriptures and memorize them.

*Write your own definition of joy. (This could be a good time to note the difference between  definitions and connotations.) “Joy is…”  As each child does his own writing, this is a great time for Mom to write a joyful letter to each child specifying the attributes of that child that bring her joy.  (Examples to get you started:  “Joy is being your mother.”  “Joy is seeing you honor your priesthood.”  “Joy is seeing my children love one another.”  “Joy is hearing your laughter.”)

*Read the picture books Why Christmas Trees Aren’t Perfect by Richard H. Schneider and The Wish to Be a Christmas Tree by Colleen Monroe.  Make a Helping Hands Christmas Tree poster like this: Trace your hand 6 times on green construction paper.  Cut these out and glue them in layers, pyramid-style, making a “tree” (3 on the bottom, 2 in the middle, 1 on the top) onto a separate piece of paper.  Use stickers or small cutouts of forest animals to nestle into the “branches.” On one side of the background paper write JOY horizontally adding Jesus, Others, Yourself in their respective places.  On the other side of the paper write, “God uses my helping hands to bring joy to others.”

*Add some Joy to your math.  Assign values to the letters of “joy.”  Using a pair of dice, play mathematical function games adapted for skill level.
Number recognition:  J=5, 6; O=3, 4; Y=1, 2. Be the first to “roll JOY” or roll the most JOY.
Addition:  J=12; O=7; Y=4. Roll the dice and see if your numbers add up to the right sums to spell JOY.  Letter values can change as well as functions into subtraction, multiplication, division.
Algebra:  Write and solve algebraic equations using J, O, and Y in place of a, b, or x.

*Be sure to learn all the words to “Joy to the World” and have a tree-lit sing-along as a family.

Merry Christmas! Here’s hoping you find Joy this December.

Christmas Memories

Christmas time. What a wonderful time of year, especially seen through the eyes of children. Sometimes we adults forget that they may not understand things the way we do. Like the time my then 8 year old daughter was explaining the wise men’s gifts to her younger brother- “You know they gave gold, sentence and myrrh!” I was afraid to ask her what “sentence” was.

Another endearing explanation of Christmas was from my now missionary son when he was 3. Our home teacher asked him if he knew how Christmas worked. He nodded his head and said he did. He said that Jesus made all the gifts and then he told Santa where to take them.

Some of the things our children do at Christmas can take a few years before they are funny. One of my son’s just could not stay out of the gifts under the tree. I told his father that the temptation was just too much for a 4 year old. He thought the 4 year old needed to learn some self discipline. Easy for him to say, he didn’t have to keep the 4 year old out of the gifts or rewrap them 10 times every day. So my husband built a fence around the tree, candy cane, of course, but it didn’t help. We finally gave up and moved all the presents.

One year we had to change the color of the balls on our tree. My 18 month old was convinced that the red balls on our trees were apples. I told him they were not and even let him hold one, but he remained unconvinced. I was grateful that when he finally decided to bite into one I was standing nearby and heard the breaking glass. Amazingly, I was able to get the glass out of his mouth without him swallowing it or cutting his mouth.  We switched to non glass balls too! 

The next Christmas story is one about my husband. Normally, he has a good head on his shoulders , but give him Christmas toys and look out, he’s 10 years old again. One year he talked me into getting a Gatling Nerf gun for the boys. For those of you who don’t know, a Gatling gun is one of the first machine guns and this one shot about 20 huge Nerf darts as fast as the darts could cycle through. In a Nerf gun fight, that is some serious action. When the boys saw it Christmas morning they were thrilled. Later in the afternoon, after Christmas dinner, they decided to play with it. It wouldn’t work so they took it into their father for him to fix. Fix it he did and shot off a couple of rounds. The boys were ecstatic. That’s when insanity took over. My husband ran into the living room, brandishing his new toy with the boys in hot pursuit. “Hey Dear! Watch this!” he yelled and then proceeded to shoot the 20 darts into the depths of the living room. This was followed by a horrified silence. My normally clear thinking husband had shot 20 large Nerf darts straight at the fireplace mantle where my Christmas Angels have a place of reverence. The silence was caused by everyone holding their breath to see which of the rocking angels still left on the mantle would fall. When the last angel stopped swaying all the kids looked at me. Then my husband said, “I can’t believe I just did that!” (And he wonders where the kids get it from?) I said “You get to look and see what you killed... I can’t.” Incredibly, he didn’t break any. A Christmas Miracle. 

My kid’s favorite though has to do with me. I was, again, the innocent bystander. One of my boys, in a generous mood, bought his 2 younger brothers pellet guns. I was not happy, but he assured me that pellets would never be used in them, they were just for looks. He didn’t clue his other brothers into the promise. After Christmas dinner (do you see the pattern here?), these other brothers took the boys outside where they had great fun target shooting with the guns. Later that evening, my 7 year old kept cocking and shooting the gun over and over. I told him to stop, and not to point guns at people because he could hurt someone. Sounding much like his father, he said, “See, Mom! There’s no ammo in it!” Then he cocked the gun, pointed it at me and then to prove the point, fired the gun. As they say, life moves in slow motion as you see catastrophe heading your way. I watched in horror as a pellet came hurtling at me. I shrieked and ducked. I got the pellet right in the cheek.  I shrieked as it made contact. Then I shrieked at the son who thought these guns where a good idea. My kids were rolling on the floor laughing once they saw that I was not hurt. They accused me of making the same noise 3 times and expressing completely different ideas with each one. Personally, I failed to see the humor at all. Needless to say, the gun was confiscated, much to my seven years old chagrin.  

Oh, the joys of Christmas memories. If you have some Christmas memories to share, send them here.

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Christmas Giving as the Three Wise Men Gave

Several years ago I attended a Relief Society that has changed how I look at Christmas“giving”.  The speaker reminded us of the Three Wise Men who traveled from far off lands to give the Christ child a gift that they had each thought long and hard about before giving.

She expressed her concerns as a mother about how easy it was to get lost in the busyness of Christmas time, the cost of things, and still being able to find and experience the joys and 'spirit' of Christmas. 

Run, run, run.  Rush, rush, rush.  We hurry to this event and that, run to several stores to find something that will jump out at us, race to the sales,  run up those credit cards – most of this without much thought, more of something that has to be done.   It is so easy to get 'caught up' in the sea of well-meaning efforts, tinsel and those blue-light specials!  So what do we do to still cherish the moments, keep reality in check, and nourish believing in miracles?

We follow the example of the Three Wise Men – we give three gifts:

• One – practical
• One – fun
• One – from the heart

Each gift area is wrapped in its own wrapping paper/color.  The wonderful thing about this concept is that you can use it in other gift giving throughout the year and just choose one area to give from.  The speaker said her children have naturally done this in giving to their friends and their siblings.

We focus on one child at a time and really “think” about what we are giving. I have done this myself for several years now, and some of our grown children have followed what has now become tradition.  It isn't as hard as it sounds and it actually makes “giving” easier.  No more worrying about if we were 'even' on how many presents everybody got and how much we spent – it was about the person and their interests and passions.

Practical – The speaker mentioned  one year a college-bound son needed tires for his car. It was both practical and a peace of mind for mom and dad to know he would be safe driving and able to travel home once in a while. This year one of my kids needs a new coat and another needs some things to go with her camera.  It is a practical gift as she is our family “shutterbug” and keeps track of those special moments, takes all the pictures for Young Women's activities, as well as just loves taking pictures!  Another child needs a watch.  Dollars don't matter here – its needs.  Only your budget should dictate your spending.

Fun – This is a 'fun' category. You have to ask yourself what does my child really enjoy?  This gives you an opportunity to find out more about your child and be watchful all year long.

One son loves basketball and his old ones are quite worn.  So guess what he is getting for Christmas this year!  Yes and one that can be played both indoors and outdoors. Then I happened to come across a small gift card to the NBA store and thought how much fun he would have with that (he collects game hats). 

Our daughter is at that age of blossoming from a young girl to a young woman so girly things are in desire this year – so she is getting a boxful of just that 'girly things'.  I say a boxful but they are all little things, (that didn't cost very much), that will help make her feel pretty and they will be tucked inside a wall jewelry box that I bought this summer.  One year a daughter got a few scrapbook supplies as that was what she was into and another got a small box of inexpensive 'office things' - Fun-shaped and colored paper clips & push pins, stapler, fun note cards, sticky notes, stamps, and I even got her her own address labels. She was thrilled. Who would have guessed?

Note: You can choose to have the fun gift from Santa Claus or as we do, since I still want my kids to know that mom and dad still can be fun :)  We just choose something and leave by their stockings from Santa.  This gift is not wrapped.  And yes, we love our stockings best of all and 'Santa' fills them but we also add little surprises to each other's stockings. 

Now from the heart:  This is the most fun and perhaps the most challenging; but that's okay that's what endears the gift even more.  What is the quote?  “Long walk is part of the gift.” The speaker mentioned how she had taken a special necklace her mother (grandma) had wanted to pass down to her daughter – so she put it in a special frame with a special poem. It touched her daughter's heart and will be a gift to treasure forever.

This year I found a small plaque that has the quote from Pres. Monson on it from the Temple dedication that our daughter had a part in.  I know how much that experience has meant to her. 

One year my husband and I created what we called a Legacy Book.  I wanted our kids to know where they came from both in spiritual legacy and in their family name.   I found special pictures and thoughts – the books focused on the priesthood including their line of authority and the girls focused on being a righteous young women and mother including the Relief Society creed.  While I did this my husband worked on some old family pictures and we added some family history sheets (4-generations) along with their patriarchal blessings and a few interesting family stories.  We put it in a nice notebook and gave them to the kids on Christmas Eve.  (Okay part of it was I was so excited to give them our labor of love and another was I didn't want it overshadowed by the other gifts.)   This particular Christmas our kids were older – one back from a mission, 3 in high school, one in junior high, and a young one in elementary.  It was amazing to watch them as they wandered through the pages of their 'legacy' for hours upon hours.  These books are still their prize possessions.   We chose notebooks on purpose so as time goes on we hope to add to their 'legacy' books and they can add to them as their families grow.  This year we are giving 2 children still at home journals with their names on them and inside will be a handwritten testimony of our love for each of them and our love for the gospel.

I was really proud of a son-in-law that really caught the spirit and worked hard and  created  really neat Christmas scenes/snow globes for our daughter. (He had grown up very differently, but had seen how special our “from the heart” gifts were received by our daughter.) This year she has even had mom show her how to make pillowcases for her children as her gift in some of their favorite characters. 

A son has also adopted this gift-giving and made this really special journal for his sweet wife.  He knew she loves taking a journal with her everywhere to write down special quotes and notes from talks.  So he found a lovely one and put in one picture of the Savior  she loves, and he did his own artwork in it of some meaningful dreams they have talked about and left a note of love.  She in turn made a cool memory shadow box of his mission in France. What a wonderful gift of love to give each other!

This kind of Christmas giving has brought me a real sense of peace and direction in our gift-giving process. It doesn't take away from the real Santa Claus (not the commercial one) and the true spirit of giving and believing in miracles.  I will never take that away from our children.  I believe that is part of the Christmas magic.  We have been blessed many times by others through special Christmas magic and having our prayers answered. This is the time to talk about miracles of all kinds, and that they do happen in our modern days. Teach the children to be grateful, to think of others, to notice the “little things” along the way, to laugh and enjoy the journey.

Gift-giving this way allows you to be done early. (I will be done this week and it feels great!)  This leaves you the rest of the month to focus on the Savior, put up the Christmas tree, send out cards, make Christmas goodies to share, make snow forts and snow ice cream, do the 12-days of Christmas to someone who might need a hug, sing Christmas carols and cuddle around the Christmas tree with a cup of hot cocoa and read those special Christmas stories... together.

The whole idea isn't stressing about what you are giving - it's about making family memories and doing it together.  It's about putting the 'magic' back into Christmas and remembering the birth of the Savior.

I hope that your Christmas Season is full of warm hugs and memories.

Merry Christmas!!!