Lessons and Revelations

It was just about a year ago that I found myself desperately searching for answers to what felt like too many questions, especially considering that I’d already been homeschooling for a dozen years.  As the ages and needs of my children changed, however, and opportunities and promptings had presented themselves over time, I recognized that there were new essentials and that much as I wanted to fight it, adjustments had to be made. Prayer had led me to the “what” requiring attention for the year, but I could not find the formula for “when” or “how.”  I was perplexed and the clock was ticking.

To my way of thinking, my list of questions required answering in the order I asked them. But one night, as I had stared long and hard at the top of my list and could think, listen, and feel no more, I decided to finally go to bed. In that peaceful bliss of time between putting my head to pillow, closing my eyes, and just about relaxing into sleep, the answers to questions numbered 20-25 flashed through my mind.  It was a lesson on revelation, and a revelation on our lessons all at once.  It also proved to be the best and most important component of our homeschool for the school year.

It was simple, really.  Five topics that needed focus for five days of the week.  Over the course of the year, each topic would get ample attention, we’d have a firm framework for beginning each day that the kids could count on, yet by rotating topics daily, there would also be variety which is something I personally need.

The solution:

Manners Monday

Testimony Tuesday

Working Wednesday

Thankful Thursday

Friendship Friday

We began each day singing a hymn or Primary song that was related to that day’s topic, sometimes reading the scriptures listed at the bottom of the page and often reading about the hymn itself in "Our Latter-day Hymns: The Stories and the Messages" by Karen Lynn Davidson.  I purchased a 5-subject spiral notebook with pocket dividers for each child, each day’s lesson having a copy work element, whether it was rules relating to manners, quotes from prophets or scriptures or books read on the topic, a personal reflection on the topic’s discussion, as well as the section for Thankful Thursday also being used as a gratitude journal.  The pockets held things like General Conference addresses on the topic, or the written testimonies of family and friends I requested for Testimony Tuesday.  (The pockets also had to occasionally stash a page accidentally torn out by a younger child.)

This year we’re going to stick to the same format, but change the topics as led by the Spirit.  Following the alliterative pattern, here are just a few of the ideas on my list of possibilities.

Monday – Missionary, Mothering, Marriage, Miracle, Meek, Memory, Mercy, Extra Mile, Mindful, Ministry, Music

Tuesday – Temple, Talent, Temperance, Teachable, Treasure, Trustworthy

Wednesday – Wisdom, Word, Walking with God, Worthy, Worship, Watchful, Willing, Witness, Worth of Souls

Thursday – Theology, Thoughtful, Thirsty (for Living Water)

Friday – Family, Fathering, Follow the Prophet, Faithful, Forgiving, Freedom, Fruits of the Spirit

Of course, you don’t have to be so poetic (I just love alliteration and cannot help myself, and it was the manner it was presented to me), and you can also include Saturdays and Sundays if you’d like

I am indebted to and thankful for a Father in Heaven who knows me, knows my children, knows our needs and desires, and who listens and answers with wisdom I’m not capable of.  I don’t know if the solution He gave me will be of use to you, but it did make all the difference for my family.

Joy

Last week I had the opportunity to be with a group of LDS homeschool moms for 2 ½ days. What an amazing group of women! We had congregated as a planning committee and that was the focus of our meetings, but as you can imagine, we took the time to network too.

I am grateful that I was privileged to be in the company of such strong and dedicated women. We were a diverse group, some just starting out homeschooling, some having done it for 20 years or more. Some of us had large families, some small. Most were from the east coast, a few of us from the west and mid-west.  But 2 things bonded us together- our testimony of Jesus Christ and the desire to do the best we could for our children.

We had our “required” planning meetings, but as we planned for the homeschool conference next spring our thoughts went to all the homeschool families across the nation and what their challenges were and we brainstormed what were the best ways to help them. That lead us to talk about our own struggles, then how we met the challenges. We offered encouragement, ideas and shared the inspiration we had received in our own lives. In other words, we talked and talked and talked.

When we weren’t in our formal meetings we talked about the challenges we faced as moms, as parents in today’s world. We talked about canning, gardening, our favorite recipes, home births, herbal treatments, church callings, etc.  We talked about toddlers, teens and tips and tricks to help cope with the ups and downs of family life.

At one point it seemed that all we were doing was talking, not planning. But the talking was what we wanted to do. It was wonderful to talk about our favorite subject – homeschooling- with a group of moms who understood exactly what we did each day and why we did it. It was safe to talk about the challenges as well as the joys of homeschooling.

We were coming to the end of our time together and I was a little worried that we would not accomplish all that we needed to before we all went home. But a remarkable thing happened. After all the discussion and commiserating and supporting we had done, we suddenly saw the meat that we need to plan into the conference. The meat that homeschool moms everywhere needed to be able to continue homeschool their families with confidence and faith.

One of the things we discovered was homeschool moms need to have joy in what we do. Just as President Monson told us in October Conference 2008 we need to find the joy in the journey of our homeschools now. Not when we don’t have toddlers anymore, not when we finish the math text book or when we finally get our homeschool room organized. We are homeschool moms because we want to have an active part in our children’s education.  We are homeschool moms because we want our children home with us.   We are homeschool moms because we value the lifestyle homeschooling brings to our lives.

So let’s look for the joy in our homeschools this new school year. Let’s take  time to spend with our children, just because.  Let’s not worry so much about what we are not doing and focus on what we are. Let’s not have our schedules so tight we cannot stop and smell the roses or we will be late for our next activity.

Men are that they might have joy. We moms need to homeschool in ways that we might have joy! I pray that in each of our homeschools we might make it so.

The Not-Back-to-School Bag

Confession:  I’m addicted to school supplies.  I get feverish over all of the back-to-school sales and can’t wait to “get high” on the smell of a new box of crayons.  Crayolas® do smell good anytime, but add a wisp of a crisp fall breeze and a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils and I am in heaven.

My obsessive craving of “Essence de Crayola” goes all the way back to Kindergarten.  I remember my giddiness the couple of weeks before each new school year began. I’d fuss over my new clothes:  try on, model, fold and stack, repeat.  I’d daydream about the first day of school. And I’d open and close my pencil box to get that smell of brand new school supplies over and over.

“Back to school” time was always very exciting for me.  I still feel something during that time of year, even though I’m no longer a child or in school, and even though I homeschool my own children.  I don’t know what it is and I can’t explain it.  But it prompts me to do my part to help school supply companies stay in business, and it invokes in me a fervent desire to do something special in our homeschool at that time as well.

So far in our homeschooling journey we’ve schooled year round in some form or another.  It allows us more freedom throughout the whole year and it keeps the kids from hanging out in front of a screen all day when it’s too hot to do much else.  But every “year” in our homeschool has a different theme.  Sometimes we begin our new school year in August, sometimes September or October.  (It depends on how long it takes us to accomplish our goals of the previous year, the scheduling of vacations, how the harvest is going, and it accounts for a few weeks’ break in between themes to unwind and then prepare.) 

The first day of our new theme, I present each of the children with a goodie bag full of things that reflect that theme and our upcoming learning adventures and goals.  There are always little treats in there, like Smarties®, with a note about how smart we’re going to get.  There’s usually a book. Some of the aforementioned school supplies are stuffed inside, often with a thematic twist.  It might include an imaginative toy, role play item, or activity kit associated with an upcoming unit.  One year we were going to be doing a lot of international studies and so I made each child his own very real-looking passport (that we put stickers in as we studied, representing the countries we “visited”).  One year our theme was “Treasure,” comprising units such as Pirates, Knowledge, and Ancient Egypt.  I sent the kids on an elaborate treasure hunt with the not-back-to-school bags being the treasure at the end.

The bags serve multiple purposes.  They mark the beginning of something new; they give a heads up as to what there is to look forward to; and one by one as we take the items out of the bags, we discuss the goals and expectations associated with the tangible reminders. Of course, they’re also just plain fun.

When most everyone else your kids know is getting new lunchboxes and backpacks preparing to leave home for the day, the not-back-to-school bag is an exciting way to prepare your kids to stay home for the day.

Eliminating Muda

I wasn’t expecting to find sage homeschooling advice when I read Natural Capitalism, a book written by folks who founded an environmental think tank.  There I was reading along about corporations interacting with the environment, when chapter 7 called out to me:  “Pay attention, homeschooling moms!”  That chapter is titled "Muda, Service and Flow.”  I don’t speak Japanese and couldn’t find “muda” in any online translators, so I’m taking the authors’ word for the translation and passing it on to you. 

They say that "muda" is a Japanese word for "waste," "futility," or "purposelessness."    Taiichi Ohno, "the father of the Toyota Production System," abhorred waste, and defined it as "any human activity which absorbs resources but creates no value."  Natural Capitalism discusses muda/waste/futility/ purposelessness in terms of business models. But the Ohno quote, about waste being "any human activity which absorbs resources but creates no value," struck me as an important idea for me as a homeschooling mom to consider.

The resources my family and I devote to home education include the obvious--money--plus time and energy.  Our homeschool lifestyle absorbs all three of those resources.  So the question is, are there some "human activities" using those resources, yet not really creating any value? Perhaps it would be wise to regularly make a list of all our homeschooling activities which consume resources, then evaluate each one to see if it is muda, or if it is truly worthwhile.  In making my list, I discovered some lessons:

1. Take a good look at old habits.

 Buying curriculum is a habitual thing for me.  I’m always alert to tools that might engage the kids intellectually.  But the first obvious bits of muda I saw in our home were shelves of curriculum we've never used.  It looked so helpful at the curriculum fair or in the Rainbow Resource catalog, yet it didn’t actually fit into our goals.  Another conspicuous waste was the curriculum we at least tried, but didn't enjoy or learn very much from—things I forced onto the kids simply because I spent money on them. Then I remembered classes and activities for the kids that took time, money, and energy--all three--yet didn't really offer much of value.

So sometimes I don't find out that something is muda until it is too late!  The commitment is already made, and the money already paid.   But at least as soon as I recognize a wasteful situation, I can look for the closest opportunity to reduce that waste, re-selling the curriculum or leaving a sports team at the end of the season.

2. Continual adjustment is needed.

An activity may be muda at one point in time, but when circumstances change, it might become more valuable. Or it could be the opposite, where the activity starts out with value then loses its significance.

An example:  for several years, we met weekly with two other homeschooling families.  We did an occasional organized activity, but most of the time, we just "got together." 

The kids simply played while we moms talked and talked and talked.  This weekly time offered a huge amount of value to our family:  the kids--and more surprisingly, the moms--became best friends.  Having close friends who shared our lifestyle was sanity-saving and it brought happiness and completion to our lives.

Then things began to change.  The kids got older, and two new families joined our little group, bringing new social dynamics to the gathering.  In addition, the kids in all the families developed disparate interests, causing some of them to grow apart.  When it was time for our weekly meeting, I had to practically drag our two youngest kids out of the house; they just didn't want to go.  The value of the activity had obviously decreased. 

Gradually and congenially, our group disbanded.  I do miss that regular therapy time with my friends, but the resources it took to meet every week (time and energy) didn't give us a big enough value anymore.  So the right choice, eliminating muda, was to stop doing that activity.

3. Expect the unexpected.

Sometimes activities surprise me by how valuable they are.  Pokemon League and Tae Kwon Do classes are things I would generally consider muda.  They consumed fair amounts of money, time, and energy.  But because these activities gave our two sons joint interests, giving them reasons to practice at home together, the classes turned out to be quite valuable.  The boys' togetherness for these activities deepened their friendship, which was something we parents had been hoping and praying for.

4. A little muda may be necessary.

Sadly, sometimes an activity has been muda, but because it was associated with church, we felt we needed to keep it anyway.  Hopefully this will turn out to be worth it in the end, if the kids learn lessons in being loyal to the church without expecting perfection from the church members.

5. Defining muda depends upon the family and on each individual.

Each family needs to consider its own ideas of value versus waste.  In our family, teaching everyone to play the piano is extremely valuable.  In most families, playing the piano is muda and not worth the trouble. 

As another example, a few years ago, two of my friends put together a wonderful class for homeschoolers on politics for an exciting election season.  This was a worthwhile learning opportunity for their kids.  But for our family, an elections class would be muda.  We discuss, analyze, and debate politics all the time as a normal part of life.  We don't need to spend time or energy going to an additional class each week about something we do naturally.

In addition, an activity might be muda for one person in the family, but very important for another person. 

So muda is subjective.  It's just one more example of how we as homeschooling parents have the terrific opportunity to choose what's best for our own families, and for each of our kids as individuals.  Aren't we lucky?

6.  Regularly ask, “What is going well in our homeschool?”

Certain types of activities have always been valuable for us:  some that quickly come to mind are family vacations, reading aloud, playing board games, making music, listening to music, family scripture reading, and spending time with each child individually before bedtime.  It’s so important for us to recognize these things and consciously choose to continue them so that items of lesser value don’t take over.

This theme of muda comes from a book about corporations.  But success in our families is surely more important than success in any moneymaking project. We even get support for the idea of eliminating muda in 2 Nephi 9: 51: “Do not spend money [or time or energy] for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy.”

Do we have muda to eliminate?  Have we invested in things of true value to replace that muda?  This is a topic I personally need to revisit on a regular basis. Yet I’ve already learned enough from the exercise to become sure of this:  it is definitely not muda to take time to evaluate where our family resources are going, and if those resources are being spent in truly beneficial ways.

Lessons of the Heart

In January my sister and her husband heard an ultrasound technician announce that they would soon be the parents of twins, a boy and a girl. Tragically, their joy soon turned to anxiety and fear as the ultrasound revealed that their little boy had a severe birth defect. A defect in his diaphragm had allowed all his abdominal organs to move into his chest cavity. The initial prognosis was bleak. Their family started doing everything they could to prepare for his coming, and the rest of us started to fast and pray. My youngest daughter, Aneya, is 6 years old. When we told her we would be having a family fast for her cousin, she said she wanted to join. Our family prayed for him every day and when fast Sunday came, all of our children fasted on his behalf. After four long months of fasting and prayer, Samuel and Clare were delivered at Children’s hospital. They were good size for twins and as healthy as they could be, except for Samuel’s life threating birth defect. He was rushed to the NICU where they were able to stabilize him and prepare him for his surgery five days later.

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Three weeks after his successful surgery, our children were able to visit him for the first time in the NICU. What really struck me during that visit was Aneya. She’s never been much for babies, maybe it’s being a youngest child, but they’ve never really interested her. Now she couldn’t get enough of her new cousins Clare and Samuel. She spent hours holding Clare and it was a tender moment as she gently stroked Samuel’s head and held his tiny hand in his incubator. As I reflected on the change in her attitude I realized the answer was simple - we love those we pray for.

I know that prayer is not an activity reserved for homeschoolers, but I truly feel that having the time to emphasize prayer and family is a great blessing that we often overlook. I’ve made the 5 hour trip to visit my sister and her babies three times in the last month, the freedom to end our school year a little early allowed me to do that. I have a friend who told me that the high school tried to fine her daughter for missing too many days of school when she went for a week to help her sister with a new baby. When we place more emphasis on academics than family, what are we teaching our children?

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The ills of our society, from low test scores, to crime and poverty are all rooted in the weakening of families. Our prophets have told us that. Until we take the time to be with our families, to pray for them and with them, aren’t we ignoring the heeding to strengthen the family? Home schooling gives us the time to teach more than just reading, writing and arithmetic, it allows us to teach our children the lessons of the heart.

A New Day is Calling for You

The wonderful and challenging journey that is homeschooling lends itself to lots of needs to change or do over; I’ve been at it a long time but as children age and mature, as I age and mature, and as new ideas and opportunities present themselves (as well as new children), some aspects of homeschooling are fluid.  The math curriculum that worked wonderfully well for the first four children may not be so helpful for the fifth child.  A new co-op or outside commitment, while wanted and needed, may throw tried and true routines into a tailspin. The easy part is recognizing that something just isn’t working. The hard part is knowing what to do about it and continuing on after a bad day, week, month, or even year, believing that lessons in what doesn’t work are just as valuable as the picture perfect days when everything goes well.

Each and every day is a new day calling for you.  Don’t get stuck in a rut and think you must wait to make a change. Don’t get discouraged and think that because something (or several things) didn’t work this year, you’re not fit to continue on.  Believe in yourself and in every breath you get to take.  The sunrise comes up just for you.

I hope you’ll enjoy the following video.  I made it to accompany the keynote address “Stay the Course” at the Cache Valley Homeschool Conference in February 2012. I’d like to thank Monica P., a lovely homeschooled young lady, who introduced me to “Sway Your Head” by We Shot the Moon.  She used the song for a project in a class I taught and it immediately gained a spot on my pep-talk-playlist.

Home Educating: The Teen Years

by Marjorie Meyher

Home educating during the “Teen Years” is, well, as the saying goes, “a horse of a different color.” By now, your child should know how to read, write, and do math. Having come this far, you may stop and catch your breath. OK, that’s all. Time’s up. Time to move on, farther, faster, and better equipped than ever before. You’ve taught your child to be an autodidact, of course. “A what?” you ask. Well, a child who is an autodidact is the answer to a busy mom’s plea for more time and energy. The meaning of the word “autodidact” is “one who is self- educated or self-taught.” Kind of similar to the saying that if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, but if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime.

OK, so let’s say that you’ve reached the point that your precious (but growing) little darling can take some responsibility for his or her own education and learning processes. Now what? Well, the answer to that question varies as “the night, the day,” as Shakespeare said, and depends on many factors, such as the age of your child, his or her personal interests and abilities, the facilities and resources– including money–that you have available, your teen’s and your prioritization of the most important ideas, facts, and subjects to study in a limited amount of time, her inner motivation and desire to learn, his eventual goals, the number of hours in a day . . . wait, no, that last one was from the “can’t do anything about it” list.

Well, mom (or dad), take off that apron (face it, the strings are just about cut anyway), and roll up your sleeves, because it is time to really dig in, time’s a- wastin’. “The desire to learn,” writes Cyril O. Houle, “like every other human characteristic, is not shared equally by everyone. But in a world which sometimes seems to stress the pleasures of ignorance, some [do] seek the rewards of knowledge . . . The desire to learn seems, in fact, to pervade their existence. They approach life with an air of openness and an inquiring mind.” [The Inquiring Mind. University of Wisconsin Press, 1961].

Sounds like a description of the Ideal Homeschooling Teen (IHT) to me!

Let come what may, college or vocation, your homeschooled teen needs to be prepared to meet life head-on, with no regrets, no hesitation, and no looking back. “Look out world, here we come,” (they say), and strengthened and prepared from their hours and days “in the nest,” there is no need for the common “ready or not” problem. Your homeschooled teen can be ready to take up the responsibilities and opportunities that await her as an adult, and your heart will swell with pride and gratitude that you were able to celebrate life and learning with her as she developed during the crucial years leading to adulthood.

Being an autodidactic learner is essential for effective learning in the teen years. “Exploration of the full range of his possibilities is not something that the self-renewing man leaves to the chances of life,” wrote John Gardner. “It is something he pursues systematically, or at least avidly, to the end of his days.” [Self-Renewal. Harper & Row, 1963].

Homeschooling can be a lot of work, and some days can be harder than others. Let’s not kid ourselves: homeschooling requires sacrifice. It requires our hearts, might, mind, and will. Some days it seems that it requires more than we have to give. It is then that a kind Father in Heaven shows us a bright spark in the eye of a child as they understand something new, or allows us to see in our mind’s eye what the public school alternative would do to the spirit of our teen. He gives us one more fresh surge of energy when we are already filled to the brim with duties and obligations. Yes, he tenderly cares for us as we care for his children, in return. Let us never forget that we are about our Father’s business as we homeschool eternal spirits on their journeys toward eternal life. This is not just about academics. For some of us, our children’s spiritual lives are at stake, whether we know it or not. And that is the truth.

Abridged from “Homeschooling the Teen Years,” by Marjorie A. Meyer, originally published by School of Abraham. Used with permission. For the complete text of this article, please see http://www.schoolofabraham.com/teenyears.htm

About the Author

Marjorie Meyer is the founder of School of Abraham website and a former Board member of the National LDS Homeschool Association. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a B.S. degree in Psychology. As the mother of eight children, Marji is currently enrolled in Life’s University, where she finds the coursework to be the most challenging she has encountered. The key to successful family education, she believes, is “having a brain, a heart, and courage!” and understanding that ‘There’s no place like home.’